


A Weird Conversation

by Little_Bunny



Series: The Weird 'Verse [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Aftercare, Boundaries, Negativity about Kink, No Sex, No cheating, Non-Sexual Age Play, Platonic BDSM, Platonic Relationships, Queerplatonic Relationships, Spanking, Talking Things Over Like Responsible Adults, discussion of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:31:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21794839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Bunny/pseuds/Little_Bunny
Summary: The aftermath of what had happened was definitely weird. There was so much to talk about yet.So Shane and Sara invite Ryan to come over so they can hash out some good boundaries to this thing.Shane has a minor freak out.(It's not that minor.)Ryan helps him through it.Sara just thinks they're both the cutest damn thing she's ever seen.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Shane Madej/Sara Rubin
Series: The Weird 'Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1563661
Comments: 21
Kudos: 104





	A Weird Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers:
> 
> 1\. While this uses the names and likenesses of real people, this work has no connection to these people. The author of this work knows nothing about the actual personal lives of any of the people whose names are in this story, and this entirely fictional story is based on these people as fictional characters. Every plot point and detail herein is fictional and occurs in a fictional universe that may have some passing similarities to our own, but they're all coincidental and unaffiliated with this real universe.
> 
> 2\. This is not a how-to guide for BDSM in any way, shape or form, be it platonic or otherwise. These are fictional people doing fictional nonsexual BDSM and kink in a fiction story. Do not use their play as your guide. Do your own research if you want to get into a BDSM relationship.
> 
> 3\. There are some disparaging words said about kink, being kinky, being little, etc. in this fic. The author does not believe these things. They are in service of the story. If you might find that triggering, please be aware. 
> 
> 4\. Also, I mock 50 Shades of Grey a little.

When Shane wakes up, it is still dark.

He is curled on his left side, his arm draped loosely over Sara's waist, her hair, as usual, a wild mess in his face. He is dressed in the same tee shirt he wore yesterday. 

He has no clue what time it is, but he really needs to pee.

Carefully, he disengages his arm from Sara and rolls over. A jolt of pain brings him up short.

_Oh, ouch. _Right. He and Ryan had done some weird shit yesterday. Probably yesterday. He still doesn’t know what time it is. 

More cautiously, he eases himself into a sitting position, then stands and grabs his phone from his nightstand. He makes his way to the bathroom.

A glance at the phone screen tells him that it is just past 530am. Quick mental math tells him he's gotten more than a full 8 hours of sleep, which is way more than usual.

_Guess I'm up for the day, _he thinks.

He takes care of business and washes his hands, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

Because of the disparity in his and Sara's heights, they have roughly the largest mirror ever hanging over their sink. He can see how his messy hair stands straight up, and the slight bags under his eyes that had begun encroaching around his 30th birthday. He really needs a shave too, although it seems too early to get started with getting ready for work. Sara will still be sleeping for at least an hour and a half, and probably closer to two. 

The quiet of the house around him is soothing though.

He isn't really _that_ sore except when he directly puts his weight on the right side of his butt, but he is curious to see the damage.

Last night, he'd been too sleepy to care.

He dries his hands on a threadbare orange towel and hooks his thumbs in the waist of his boxer briefs, lowering them enough to get a good look at his own rear end.

It is mostly unharmed, a long expanse of pale skin intersected by one soft blue-and-purple bruise that is vaguely rectangular in shape directly above the fold of his right butt cheek. He lets out a low whistle.

It isn’t exactly what he'd expected, that’s for sure. Last night, he'd kind of assumed his whole ass would just be one giant bruise based on how much it had hurt.

After a moment of thought, he grabs his phone and very carefully takes a photograph of the bruise that doesn’t include his face or anything else that can tie it back to him, like his bathroom decor. 

His phone is password-protected, but you really can never be too careful, considering how often the iCloud seems to get broken into.

He walks back into the bedroom and grabs a hoodie from a hook on the back of the door, then putters down the hall to the kitchen, pulling it over his head as he goes.

It is too early to make a whole pot of coffee, but Sara's folks had given them a Keurig last year during Chanukah, so he brews himself a single cup and goes into the living room to sit on the couch. 

He makes a very careful landing so as to not put pressure on the bruise, then adjusts some pillows around himself until it is like resting on a bed of clouds. He takes a deep drink of coffee.

This is nice. 

Idly, he wonders if Ryan is awake yet. Probably not; Ryan isn't exactly known for being an early bird. Then again, Shane isn't either, and here it is, nearing 6am and he is already drinking a cup of coffee and musing like the anime girl from the lo-fi hip-hop channel on YouTube. 

He still can’t really believe that last night happened. If not for the bruise on his butt, he'd probably assume it was another one of those weird spanking dreams. 

He'd spent a couple of weeks trying to figure out exactly how to bring up the idea to Ryan after Sara had told him she was okay with it. In literally none of the scenarios he'd practiced in his head did things go down like they actually had. 

It had felt good. It had felt peaceful, and calm, and quiet. 

Well, the actual spanking part had not felt great, to be honest. He didn't hate it, but that shit had hurt just like Sara had warned him. He'd looked at it as an experiment, and he'd been determined to tough it out. But the rest of it? That part was pretty awesome, and he's more than willing to suffer through the spanking again to get the catharsis as well. 

He wonders what Ryan would think of that. Would it be too weird for him that Shane likes what they'd done enough to want to do it again? It’s one thing to have a weird, one-off kind of thing for the sake of the experience. Shane had done a lot of things once, just to say he'd tried. But doing it again is deliberate, is a pattern. There is something about doing anything again that makes it more real.

Ryan might not want to do it again. Or he might. He'd surprised Shane the first time around. And he'd been, or at least seemed, committed to it.

It really won’t do him much good to worry too much about it. He'll see Ryan at work today. Maybe they can make plans to hang out this weekend and at least discuss what had happened. 

That is a totally normal, not-weird thing to do, right?

* * *

Sara comes into the main living area to see Shane sitting on the couch surrounded by every throw pillow they own and holding a coffee mug. He is staring at the wall like a cat.

She quietly brews a pot of coffee without any acknowledgement from Shane. He often isn’t particularly observant in the morning, but he’d usually notice that. Today, nothing.

"Morning," she says softly, not wanting to startle him. He jumps anyway.

"Oh, hey," he replies. He bends his neck to the side with an audible crack. "What time is it?"

"7:15-ish," she says. "When did you wake up?"

"Little bit after 5:30," he says. He takes a sip from his mug and makes a face. "Wow, that got cold." He puts it on a coaster on the coffee table. 

Sara grabs it from him and goes into the kitchen. She fills it from their coffee pot, and fills another for herself, then returns to the living room. Shane hasn't really moved.

"Here babe," she offers, passing him the hot mug.

"Thanks," he says. He makes a hole in his nest of pillows, and she takes the silent invitation and curls up next to him. 

"So, I'm dying to know how it went," she admits. Shane snorts next to her.

"I figured. You didn't even hit the snooze button," he says.

"I mean, I don't always," she says, but she is aware that is a lie. Shane doesn’t even bother to dignify it with a response.

"I had no idea what I was getting into," Shane says, and then he looks at her. "But I guess Ryan did."

She pauses mid-sip. "What?" she says. "What does that mean?"

Shane has that little smirk on his face, that infuriating one he gets sometimes when he has really good gossip and he fucking knows it. "Shaaaane," she warns him. "Damnit, I brought you hot coffee this morning."

He laughs. "Alright, alright," he says. "Did you know our friend Ryan Steven Bergara is like, really into BDSM?"

Sara's mouth drops open. "You're kidding me," she says, delighted. Shane shakes his head. "You're serious?"

"100% serious," Shane says, eyes full of mirth. "You should see the bruise he left on my butt cheek."

"Oh, I intend to," Sara says. She puts her coffee cup on the table and claps her hands like she is setting a slate. "Tell me all about it! I tried to get him to dish last night, but he is weirdly reticent."

"I don't even know where to start, Sar," Shane says. "I just...I made him step away from the computer to eat dinner, and it just snowballed into me telling him that I wanted him to spank me."

"He sounded pretty pissed off when he called me," Sara says. She'd been surprised to get a phone call from Ryan; she hates phone calls and so does he. It had made more sense once she heard the question though--you cann't exactly ask your friend if her boyfriend is cheating via text. "I think he was ready to rip you a new one."

"You should have seen him in person. Pretty sure he thought he was calling my bluff," Shane says. He kisses the side of Sara's face. "I don't know what you said to him, but he nearly choked to death on thin air."

Sara grins; baiting Ryan is just too easy, and she takes a certain perverse pleasure in it. "I just pointed out that you're both attractive men," she says innocently. 

"Pretty sure you said more than that, but go ahead, keep your secrets," Shane says. 

"I will." She takes another sip of coffee. "Then what, after he realized that I was cool with it?"

"We talked about it. A lot. More than I'd ever considered." Shane grins. "Apparently talking is a huge part of BDSM. Who knew?"

"I mean, was it really BDSM?" Sara says. "That seems like an intense word for a little spanking. Shouldn't there be, like, whips and chains and, you know, sex or whatever?"

"That's what I thought too, but Ryan was pretty insistent. He didn't tell me much about how he got into it or anything, but uh… Let's just say that it's pretty clear he knows what he's doing. And not just the actual spanking part. The entire deal." Shane is staring at the wall again, obviously thinking about whatever had happened the night before.

“The entire deal?” Sara says. “What else happened, besides spanking?”

“I mean, like the discussion, and then, you know, the actual spanking, which you were right. That really hurt. He’s pretty fucking strong, and I basically fell to pieces.”

“Duh,” Sara says. “Have you _seen _those biceps? I warned you that you were playing with fire there.”

“Yeah, but then afterwards, he was weirdly good at putting me back together again. I mean, I can tell that he’s done it before. I don’t know, I can’t say I really understand everything that happened, but there was a weird rush to the whole thing. Like a rollercoaster, or like, when you’re almost in a car accident. Adrenaline and like, terror-glee almost?”

"You looked _fucked up _when you came home last night," Sara says. "Honestly, I've never seen you in that state before."

"I felt pretty floaty," Shane agrees. "A little like being drunk. I just wanted to hug everyone."

"You just wanted to hug Ryan," Sara corrects. "I mean, don't get me wrong. You were dead asleep by the time I went into the bedroom, and even asleep, you cuddled right up to me, but I don't think I've ever seen you so touchy-feely with him before."

"Yeah, maybe," Shane says. "I was a little clingy. But he also let me be clingy. Didn’t seem to bother him, for once."

"He was too," Sara says. She knows Shane doesn’t really get embarrassed, by some weird, maybe Midwestern quirk of culture or biology, but she still sometimes tries to reassure him out of instinct. "You should have seen him trying to leave. I think he was actually worried about you." She finishes the dregs of her coffee. "It was pretty cute."

Shane sighs. "Would you be surprised if I told you I want to do it again?"

Sara, not being an idiot, had known that literally from the moment they'd walked in the house. She tells Shane as much. "I don't need to be a psychic to see that whatever happened last night is going to be a 'thing' from now on," she says. 

Shane doesn’t bother to deny it. "How do you feel about that?" he asks, his eyes meeting hers intensely. "Honestly."

She smiles. God, she loves him so much. "Honestly, Shane, there is room for whatever the fuck this is in our lives. We're gonna have to invite Ryan over and have a really weird, intense conversation at some point before this goes any further, but uh...practically speaking, I don't think it's gonna change anything that much. You two already basically live in each other's pocket. You guys wanna have some of your "ghoulboy time" include whatever happened last night, go for it." She gently cups the side of his face. "It made you happy and adorable, and I'm all for doing things that make you happy and adorable."

His smile is like the sun. "You're amazing and I love you," he says, kissing her. 

She smiles into the kiss, and some of it ends up against her teeth. "I know," she says.

Suddenly, her phone begins to scream, and they both jump. "Shit! Sorry!" Sara says. She has her 'last-chance" alarm, which is her warning that if she doesn’t get her ass out of bed, she will definitely be late. "I think that's our cue that we better get going. Neither of us are dressed and you still need to shave."

Shane gingerly rises from the couch, dropping throw pillows everywhere. He offers her his hand, and she lets him pull her to his feet. "Alright. Race you," he says.

She scoffs at him. "You're on," she says, and then they’re both bolting for the bathroom.

In the end, her eyeliner is slightly uneven, and Shane has a tiny dot of toilet paper on a cut over his lip, but they are both dressed and presentable as they get into the car. Shane drives, and they make their usual time in traffic, so they pull into the parking garage only slightly late. 

Listen, at BuzzFeed, you aren’t really late until you are Late with a capital L. 15 minutes to half an hour is really no big deal. 

They kiss, and Sara peels the dried toilet paper from his face. "I'll see you later," she says.

"You got it," he says, squeezing her hand before they part ways to go to their desks. 

The funny thing is, they don’t sit near each other. Their desks are in very different areas, which is probably good and healthy because you can’t spend 24 hours a day together. Instead, they spend their days apart unless they are deliberately seeking each other out, either for filming or some other reason. 

Sara is concentrating deeply on a basic storyboard for her next video when Curly drops into the empty chair to her left. "_Hola querida ¿como estas_?" he asks. He is his usual cheerful self, but she can see caution held tightly in his body. 

"Morning, Curly," she says. "I'm great. How are you?" 

"I'm good, I'm good," he says. He glances around. "Haven't seen Shane this morning. Is he here yet?"

Sara has to hide her smile. "He's here somewhere," she says. "Probably with Ryan."

Listen, she'd promised Ryan she wouldn't actively_ lie, _but she can’t stop anyone from believing what they believe, can she?

"Yeah, about that," Curly says. "Can I talk to you a second?"

Sara saves her work. She really should just put a stop to this, but she is curious. How, exactly, is Curly going to try to get the gossip from her?

"You ok, Curly?" Sara asks. If she didn't already know, his behavior would really have her worried. "You seem like you've got something on your mind."

"I ran into your boy last night," Curly says. "Think he and Ryan were just finishing up their latest video."

"Yeah, they worked late last night," Sara agrees. "It took a lot out of Shane. Ryan too, I think." 

_Not untrue_, she reminds herself. _Just out of context…that probably sounds like it means something very different than it does._

Curly looks at her intensely. "They were working pretty closely…" he says, fiddling with his phone.

"I mean, they do that," she says. "_Unsolved_ is kind of their baby." She keeps a strict hold on her poker face.

Curly's tongue darts nervously over his lower lip. "_Querida_, can I show you a picture?" he asks quietly. "It's of Shane and Ryan. It's, uh...I don't exactly know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it. I caught them canoodling in the kitchen last night." His face is tight with worry.

Sara can’t help it; she laughs. _Canoodling!_ "I know," she says. "But I didn't get photographs, so if you have one, you'd better share."

Curly's eyebrows disappear into his hairline, but he gives a cautious smile, looking wildly relieved. "Really? You really did know?"

Sara nods, and this time she can’t keep the smile in. Curly tsks at her and says something under his breath in Spanish that she would guess is probably gently shaming. He pulls up a photo on his phone and hands it to her.

"I only took one, so don't swipe," he warns. "I was trying to be sneaky in case I needed evidence."

"I know better than to swipe on someone else's phone," she reassures him, bringing the phone closer. Her mouth opens in a silent 'aww.'

They are cute as fuck. Shane is facing the camera, his head tucked down against the top of Ryan's. His eyes are closed, and his face is soft and contented. Ryan's back is to the camera, but even so, it is fairly obvious that he is the one cuddling Shane and not the other way around despite Shane's greater height. His arms are wrapped protectively around Shane's body, feet wide and caging him in. Shane's arms seemed to be trapped between them, his hands curled over Ryan's shoulders.

It is just a shitty vertical snap from an iPhone camera, but she can still see something raw and beautiful in it.

"You have to send me that," she says. God, how can a picture make her heart hurt in like, the best way possible?

Curly seems to examine her face closely as he take his this phone back from her. "You really are supportive then, ¿huh _querida? _No bullshit."

"No bullshit," she nods. 

"That's what Shane said, and Ryan didn't object, but, well, I know men and I can't help but be a little suspicious," Curly says. Sara smiles. “I mean, on the one hand, it took them long enough, but on the other, you’re my friend too, and like...I wanted to make sure you knew about this.”

She just smiles. "Totally," she says. Listen, the rumors don’t bother her any. They’ve been there long before yesterday, and they'll be there at least as long as _Unsolved _is a thing. The boys had always had great, even ridiculous chemistry between them.

Curly studies her. "I'm actually dying of curiosity, but I'm respecting the boundaries put in place by HR and not asking you any nosy questions," he says finally. "However, should you wish to discuss whatever the hell is happening in your household, please know that I am a willing and sympathetic listener who will pinkie-promise not to dish to other people in the office."

Sara laughs. "It's complicated," she says. "Everyone's happy. There's nothing to worry about." She fakes a glare. "Also, you shouldn't take pictures of people who are just minding their own business…but since you did, please send that to me. And guard that copy with your life, Curly. No one's gonna sign an agreement for BuzzFeed to use that photo, I promise you."

Her phone shakes on her desk, and she picks it up to see that Curly has indeed sent her the photo. "I promise, it stays deep in the archives of my phone, never to see the light of day again," he says in a faux-solemn way. "Seriously," he adds after a moment. "I know it's private."

Sara rests her hand on Curly's arm. "Thanks, Curly. For being willing to possibly be the bearer of bad news, for the lovely photo, and for the offer to talk." She smiles at him. "You're a good friend."

Really, she is pretty lucky to have so many people in her life who are unwilling to allow Shane to cheat on her. Shane is the most stringent of the bunch. Cheating just isn't a thing she worried about.

"Oh, I definitely am," he agrees. "I was supposed to be in a meeting ten minutes ago and I still dropped by to straighten this out first." He waved his fingers at her. "See you later _chica."_

"Bye," she returns. She picks up her phone and then opens a chat between Shane, Ryan, and herself.

They need to see that picture.

* * *

Ryan came in a little early this morning, and he’s used the opportunity, post-workout, to finish up some preliminary narrative voiceover work for the next episode since no one else is clamoring for the recording booth. His throat is starting to get a little dry and scratchy though, and at the very least, he needs some water.

He leaves the sound booth and grabs a bottle of water from the mini-fridge directly outside it. He twists the cap off and takes a drink.

In his pocket, his phone buzzes. Still drinking, he pulls it free.

He sputters, choking on the water, and has to use his shoulder to wipe it from his mouth. From Sara is a picture of him hugging Shane in the BuzzFeed snack kitchen last night. 

_Where the fuck did she get that? _is his first thought, followed immediately by_ Curly. _

Then the panic sets in.

He hasn't even gotten to talk to Shane this morning yet, because he has been in the sound booth since 8:30 or so. Shane isn't a morning person, so he just figures he'll snag him to grab lunch or whatever and see how he is holding up after yesterday.

It has been a long night for Ryan. He'd wondered if the feelings he was having about what he and Shane had done are one-sided. His own brain keeps reminding him that Shane had said he'd wanted to try it but wanting to try it isn't the same as wanting to repeat it. Shane very well could have gotten everything he wanted out of the one time. Ryan knows that some people just aren’t into BDSM, don’t need it or even like it. He doesn’t personally understand that, but he knows it is a real thing.

When his brain wasn't wracking over that, it was busy worrying that Shane was struggling with subdrop, or even just plain old regret.

He hadn't slept that well, and when he'd woken up at five thirty to check his phone yet again, he'd just grabbed his workout gear and gone to the gym to sweat it out. That had held the anxiety at bay for a while, but now it’s back with a vengeance along with that photo.

What if Shane takes one look at that and nopes out? He looks as vulnerable and open in that picture as Ryan has ever seen him. What if he doesn’t like it? What if he’s freaking out?

Just as he is falling headlong into a full-on anxiety attack, he sees Shane's name pop up with three little bubbles.

> **Shane Madej:…**
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Aw, that's sweet._ **

Ryan takes a breath. That…that does not sound like a man who has spent the night freaking out and regretting his decisions.

> ** _Shane Madej: Slightly creepy that he just took a photo of us without a word, but it's cute so I can probably get over it._ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: He was very relieved that he wasn't breaking bad news, I think_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Ouch._ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: he said, and this is a paraphrase, ‘Shane and Ryan said they weren't going behind your back but I know men, and well…'_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Do I really seem like the kind of person who would do that? :(_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Ryan asked too._ **

Ryan winces. He can’t exactly ignore that. He takes a deep breath and starts typing.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: I didn't think you were cheating or trying to, but then you bought up Tinder as a possibility to find someone to do this with you and well_ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: That seemed sketch. Everyone knows if you're looking for someone to do kinky shit, FetLife is where you go._ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: But I'm sorry if it made you feel bad. I don't think you're a cheater, but I had to at least ask._ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: Laughed at "That seemed sketch. Everyone knows if you're looking for someone to do kinky shit, FetLife is where you go."_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: lol, not everyone I guess. I've never gone on there, tbh. I haven't tried to get anyone to spank me before, and the last date I got off a website was back in like 2010…_ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: And also, for the record, I 100% know that you'd never cheat on me. But if it was me, you would hope Ryan would ask you if you were cool with it, right?_ **
> 
> ** _Shane: yeah I guess._ **

Ryan takes a deep breath. Okay. As usual, all that anxiety was for naught. 

Probably. He hopes.

He really needs to actually talk to Shane. Face to face. He needs to see the man with his own two eyes and make sure things are ok.

Before he can think of all the reasons why he shouldn't be doing it now, at work, he starts typing.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: Shane, if you have a minute, can you meet me at the sound booth?_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Sure, omw._ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: Lol you two are killing me here! _ ** ** _😍_ **

Ryan finishes drinking his bottle of water and steps back into the booth without resuming recording. He knows he is signed up for it until 10:30. It is pretty damn unlikely anyone will interrupt them for at least another fifteen minutes.

Is it a great use of BuzzFeed resources? No. Does Ryan actually care? Also no.

It seems to take forever, but finally he sees Shane's oversized head through the window in the door of the sound booth. Ryan flashed a thumbs up to let him know he can come in.

Shane comes in and claps him on the shoulder. "Hey Ryan," he says. "What's up?"

Oh shit. Ryan has not actually thought of any kind of legitimate reason to bring Shane into the sound booth. "Honestly, I just wanted to make sure you were ok," he says after a pause that is perhaps slightly too long to be natural. "I know you crashed hard last night, and I was a little worried about you."

Shane smiles. "Yeah, man, I'm totally ok. I slept over eight hours last night, which was amazing and a completely unexpected side effect. It was great."

He looks good, happy even. He seems relaxed in the way that Ryan would expect someone to be after a good session. The way Ryan would also probably look if he hadn't spent the night second-guessing everything. Even now his anxiety is trying to ramp up on him. 

"I just, I felt weird about leaving you. I wasn't even sure if you actually liked it or if it was just the flood of endorphins talking, and then I started to worry, because that's what I do and I didn't hear anything from you or Sara, which could be a good thing but could also be--"

"Whoa, whoa, Ryan, breathe, buddy," Shane says, putting both hands on Ryan's shoulders. "Jesus. Why didn't you text me, if you were freaking out this much?"

"I mean, I didn't want to wake you," Ryan says. The pressure of Shane's hands on his shoulders is already helping him calm down though. 

"I've been up since 5:30, though," Shane says. "The sleep was nice, but my body doesn't know what to do with more than eight hours of it, so I just sat on the couch and thought about last night until Sara woke up."

Ryan cocks his head to the side. "Wait, really?" he asks. "In a good way or a bad way?" He can’t help but brace himself slightly. God, he really hopes it is in a good way.

"In a good way, you dope," Shane says, releasing his shoulders with a little squeeze. "I really didn't expect it, but I guess you were right. I liked it."

_It is_, Ryan decides, _absolutely_ infuriating _that Shane never blushes_. But even so..."Alert the presses," Ryan teases, already feeling a million times better. "Shane Alexander Madej has admitted that I was actually right about something."

Shane laughs. "Right enough that I was thinking about asking if you might want to do it again," he says.

Ryan can’t help the giant smile that comes to his face. "You were thinking about asking, huh? Don't hurt yourself now with all that thinking." He bumps into Shane with his shoulder. Shane shakes his head.

"There were steps, Ryan. I was thinking about asking. Then I actually asked, in a roundabout sort of way, and now I guess I'm waiting to hear back," Shane says. “Any idea when that might happen?” He looks down the end of his nose at Ryan and raises his eyebrows imperiously.

"Yeah, man," Ryan says, deciding that teasing Shane overly much would be pretty mean in this context. And also, if he was in Shane’s shoes, it would actually do him in. "If you want, I'd like to do it again." 

Even after he knows for a fact that Shane had indeed liked it and wanted to do it again, the open happiness he sees on his friend's face surprises Ryan. "Awesome," Shane says, bouncing slightly on his toes and looking ridiculously pleased.

"Great," Ryan echoes, grinning. He glances down at his watch. "I suppose we should probably get back to work now, huh?"

"Yeah, probably," Shane agrees. He turns towards the door, then whirls back around. "By the way, Sara says she wants you to come over sometime soon to talk out the… rules, I guess, of this thing. But don't start panicking, okay? I'm gonna go talk to her over lunch and we'll get back to you after we come back."

"Alright," Ryan says. That seems perfectly reasonable. "Hit me up on the group chat."

"Will do," Shane says with a little salute, and then he disappears. After a moment to make sure he isn't going to return immediately, Ryan sinks back into the stool he uses while recording and lifts a triumphant first to the ceiling.

"Thank God," Ryan mutters. After a night of anxiously wondering if this whole thing is going to fall apart in a million different ways, it looks like that might not happen after all.

There is a knock on the door that makes Ryan startle. "Hey Ryan, not trying to kick you out exactly, but I've got a little voiceover I need to do," Curly says, coming into the limited space of the recording booth. 

"Yeah, okay," Ryan says. "Nice picture, by the way," he says with a bit of sarcasm, but gently enough to let Curly know he isn't actually mad. 

"Mm, _lo siento pero lo se_ that dudes on the down-low get up to some shady shit," Curly says. "Sara doesn't deserve that." He doesn’t look particularly remorseful, Ryan notes.

The way Curly says it makes him think there might be a second, less-obvious meaning that he is missing, but fuck if he knows what it is, and he is scared to ask. "The down-low?" he says, hoping he won’t regret it.

"Yeah, you know. 'Straight' dudes that sleep with other men but don't acknowledge it and don't bother to use protection or get tested or anything. Then their poor wives and girlfriends end up getting hurt because of it. And not just hurt feelings. Diseases and stuff." He raises his eyebrows, and in a sudden, terrible flash of understanding, Ryan figures out exactly what Curly means.

Ryan feels his mouth drop open. "Holy fuck, Curly. That is the furthest thing from what's happening here," he says once he manages to internally pull his shit together. "Oh my God! This, this isn’t that kind of thing!" He is sputtering. 

"Well yeah, I know that _now_," Curly says. "But I didn't know that last night, did I?"

Ryan sighs and tries to calm down. He can’t be that mad considering he'd had literally the same urge to make sure Sara knew what Shane was up to. "Guess I can't really begrudge it considering the new and terrible things I just learned about humanity," he says. 

“Mm-hmm,” Curly draws out.

Ryan shrugs and looks Curly in the eye. "It's kind of an adorable picture. But next time, you should ask first."

"_Si, lo se_," Curly says. "Now, not that I don't enjoy your company, but I really need to get some work done." Under his breath, he mutters something in Spanish that Ryan thinks might be, “Somebody should today.”

He really doesn’t know what that means, but it is probably none of his business.

"Alright, fair enough. See you later," Ryan says and scoots. 

It is only once he is rounding back into the general area of his seating pod that he realizes he hadn't actually straightened Curly out on his assumption that Shane and Ryan are, what? Sleeping together? He groans. 

Then again, he really doesn’t want to get into the details of this weird thing they are trying out when he hasn't even had a good discussion with the parties who are involved in some way, and that is obviously more important anyway.

He sits down at his computer and tries diligently to focus on researching his next episode and not on Shane, who is sitting next to him and apparently also having trouble focusing on his work. Instead, he keeps shifting around, messing with a clicking pen idly while reading through some extremely boring-looking article about.... Catholicism? That doesn’t seem like a very Shane kind of topic, honestly. 

“Dude, what the hell?” Ryan asks after about five minutes of that terrible clicking noise. “Put the pen down before I stab you with it.”

“Shit, sorry,” Shane says. He drops the offending pen on the table top and twists slightly in his chair. “I just...it’s Friday, you know? I just want to get around to filming the Postmortem so we can get the hell out of here for the weekend. 

Ryan can relate, but… ”Man, I get that but the pen’s gotta stop.”

Shane shifts again in his chair, and this time, Ryan catches just a touch of a wince in his features. _Hold on_, he thinks. He grabs his phone, cuz this is not a conversation he can have in broad daylight, out loud, in the middle of the office. 

> ** _Ryan Bergara: Dude, why are you so squirmy? I didn’t hit you that hard._ **

He sees Shane pick up his phone and look at the screen. 

> ** _Shane Madej: Correction: You *mostly* didn’t hit me that hard. However, you may recall that you borrowed something from the set dresser at one point? That thing got me pretty good._ **

Ryan hasn’t forgotten about the ruler; how can he when Shane reacted to it in such a beautiful way? (_Oh God what a weird thing to think about Shane!)_ But he hasn’t exactly considered that.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: Oh shit, are you ok? Was it too much?_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: I’m fine, not too much, but uh…_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: This is a little weird. I got a bruise._ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: And I actually don’t mind it. Before you freak out. I can see your fingers going over there. The bruise is cool._ **

Reluctantly, Ryan deletes a sentence or two. He wonders if bruising is another kink Shane might have. In his head, he is making an (unexpected) list of platonic kinks that he kind of thinks Shane might be into.

> ** _Shane Madej: This isn’t meant to be a weird thing but...Do you want to see it?_ **

Ryan coughs. He can’t help himself. It’s either that or he’ll start laughing hysterically.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: Holy shit Shane we’re at work. Where the fuck do you plan on showing me this? It would look a little suspicious to traipse off to the single stall bathroom together right now, don’t yhou think?_ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: *you_ **

He actually sees Shane chuckle from the corner of his eye. 

> ** _Shane Madej: It’s a picture, you idiot. I tend not to send semi-nude photos to people without explicit consent. Do you want to see it?_ **

Ryan sighs, and he does it loud enough that he knows Shane can hear it.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: 1, Is your face in it? And 2, don’t you dare send me a dick pic, Shane Madej._ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Lol, gross. I would never. _ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: And of course my face isn’t in it. It’s not my first day on the internet. It’s just my ass and part of my leg._ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: No need to get sassy! I just need to know how weird it would be to have on my phone._ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: Easier to explain a random picture of a butt than a picture of YOUR butt specifically._ **

Shane shakes his head and types back quickly.

> **Shane Madej: Who tf is looking through your phone anyway? Do you want to see it or not, man?**

Ryan pinches the bridge of his nose, then lets out a helpless giggle at the absurdity of the situation. But he does like a nice bruise.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: Alright, fine._ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: Let me see it please._ **

Apparently, this is the final resting place of 'no homo,’ if he is willingly receiving a photo of Shane’s ass. But whatever; a good bruise is a good bruise, period.

Ryan's phone buzzes in his hand and he glances behind him and lowers his phone into his lap, nearly under the desk, before he clicks on the photo. "Holy shit," he says softly.

It isn't a particularly dark bruise, even against Shane's very pale skin. It is mottled in almost pretty shades of blue, violet, and gray, but the edge closest to the undercurve of Shane's butt is, well, ruler-straight and in exactly the spot that makes sitting really uncomfortable. 

He feels a touch of pride from looking at it. His aim was pretty freaking good considering that Shane had been fully dressed and somewhat wiggly at that point.

> ** _Ryan Bergara: Looks pretty. How’s it feel?_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: I mean, it feels like I got spanked. _ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: Brat. Go eat lunch with your girlfriend and try to stop wiggling around like a toddler in church, would you? We’ve got to start filming at one and the Ghouligans are going to know something’s up._ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: I’ll try, but no promises._ **

Shane stands up then. “I’m going for lunch with Sara,” he says aloud to Ryan, as though he hasn’t been texting him for the last ten minutes or so. “Want me to bring anything back?”

Ryan shakes his head. “No thanks man. I brought leftovers today, so I’m good. Tell Sara I say hi, though.”

“Sure,” Shane says, casually clapping him on the shoulder. “See you at one, little guy.”

“Fuck off, I’m a very normal height,” Ryan counters to Shane’s retreating back. He figures that while Shane and Sara take their lunch break, he can use his to throw together a down-and-(not particularly)-dirty BDSM primer for them both.

* * *

They walk to a Chinese restaurant that is close to the office, but not so close that all of their coworkers will also be there. It is a little hole-in-the-wall sort of place, with large menus printed on the walls and a slightly greasy feel to the air. The table they get is absolutely tiny and shoved in the back corner, which is pretty perfect as far as Shane is concerned. 

Sara gives a little sigh as she sits. "God, Shane, those legs of yours are no joke," she complains mildly. "At least I didn't wear heels today."

Shane just nods, because this is a common refrain between then. Sara walks fast, but his legs just eat up the ground. "How did your morning go?"

"It was good," she says with a shrug. "But I know neither you nor I really want to be talking about _my _morning right now." She looks amused.

"I mean, I'm slightly curious about how Curly approached you with that picture," Shane contradicts. Sara's hand covers her mouth suddenly. 

"I forgot," she admits, her beautiful brown eyes shining. "Poor guy looked like he was doing something unpleasant but necessary. He was trying to hint, to see if I would pick up what he was saying, but I just played dumb and watched him sweat."

"That was unkind, Sara!" Shane chides, but he is still smiling. "Why would you do that to poor Curly when he was trying to be a friend?"

"I was just dying to see what he'd do," she admits. "It wasn't nice. I probably owe him at least a favor."

"Maybe, like, a fruit basket or something too," Shane says. 

"Nobody wants a fruit basket. Never in the history of the world has a person gotten a fruit basket and been happy about it," Sara says. "We'll make it up to him somehow."

"I would just like to point out that I was not the one torturing him here," Shane says. "Just to let the record show."

A young woman in an apron approaches their table and they order. She tells them she’ll get their drinks before disappearing into the kitchen. Then Sara leans forward and says, "Ok, so now that your curiosity is sated, I want to hear what you and Ryan talked about when he summoned you to the booth!"

"He didn't--I mean, god Sara, when you put it like that it sounds weird," Shane complains.

"I call it like I see it," Sara says. She props her face on her hand. "Tell me!"

The waitress comes back with their beverages, and Shane takes a deep drink just to have something to do. 

"Hmm. Well, he seemed a little awkward at first. I think he was scared I might be regretting everything. He started to ramble, which I wasn't really expecting."

"What do you mean? He's like, the rambling king," Sara says. “Given rein, he’ll just go on for ages.”

"Yeah, usually," Shane says. "But you didn't see him yesterday. It was… He wasn't rambling then. He was doing that Ricky Goldsworth thing, basically."

Sara grins. Shane knows she has a real appreciation for Ryan's Ricky Goldsworth impression. "Hot," she says, teasing but only barely.

Shane huffs. "Don't bring your crush into this," he says. "Ricky Goldsworth is a monster."

Sara smirks. "Whatever you say," she replies. “You know he’s your favorite.”

She isn’t exactly wrong, but he isn’t about to acknowledge that. Instead, Shane continues. "So then I just tried to talk him off the ledge, because I could see that he probably slept like shit and was up half the night having some kind of Ryan-esque existential crisis--.”

“I noticed he looked tired,” she agrees.

“Uh huh,” Shane agrees. “Then I just cut to the chase, because if I had to wait for him to calm the hell down, I’d still be waiting. I just told him that if he was up for it, I’d like to do it again, and you wanted to have a three-way.” He winks at her obnoxiously. 

“You did not,” Sara says. She doesn’t even look like she is considering believing it. “What did you actually say?”

Shane gives an exaggerated sigh. “I told him you wanted to have a conversation between the three of us about exactly how we wanted this to go,” he says. “And also, you are a terrible killjoy.”

“I am a freaking delight,” Sara says. She takes a sip of her drink. “Ok. Well, what did he say to that?”

Shane shrugs. “Said to hit him up with the details on the group chat. I was thinking maybe we could invite him over this weekend, if that works for you?”

The waitress interrupts then, carrying two large plates piled high with greasy, starchy deliciousness. Shane watches Sara rip into her chopsticks and use them to deftly deliver a steaming hot chunk of broccoli to her mouth. 

“You’re like, really into this,” she says. “I mean, I saw it last night, don’t get me wrong. But like, you don’t get excited like this very often.” Her voice isn’t judgmental, but he can’t help but wonder if it is bothering her more than she lets on. “Last time I saw you like that was probably that video where they surprised you with the Batmobile.”

He still has that Batmobile. It was probably the most fun he’s ever had making a reaction video, because not a damn bit of that excitement was faked. And neither is whatever the hell got him so fucked up last night.

Shane shrugs. “Hey, I wasn’t really expecting it either,” he says. He slurps up a mouthful of noodles. “Are you really sure that you’re okay with it? Like, for real. I don’t...I don’t want you to feel pressured or whatever. That’s like, the last thing I want.”

She studies his face, and Shane tries to busy himself with chewing so as not to stare her down like a crazy man. At least the wontons are really good here.

“Yeah, I really am ok,” she says. “I looked at that picture that Curly showed me, and all I could see there was how much you idiots love each other, and my insides turned into a happy goo. As weird as this thing is, or could be, or whatever, I’m not scared of it.”

“I mean, I don’t love Ryan the same way I love you,” Shane says, wanting to reassure her. For one thing, it is absolutely true. Sara puts a hand over his own.

“Yeah, I know that babe. You also don’t love me the same way you love Ryan.” She gives him a little smile. “I don’t feel like I’ve got to compete with him, you know. I really don’t. It’s like, different spheres of influence or whatever. Like science versus religion. It’s about different things, yeah?”

As a confirmed, comfortable skeptic, Shane really does understand. Religion is meant to cover and relate to topics of spiritual concern, involving such nebulous concepts as God, the divine, faith, and belief. Science, on the other hand, is about facts, hypotheses, experiments, and scientific theories. They are not meant to do the same thing for a person, and any overlap is nice, but somewhat coincidental. It is the perfect metaphor.

In response, Shane feels the muscles in his shoulders relax. He hadn’t even realized that they were tensed nearly to his ears before. “Oh,” he says, and god is that a relief that he didn’t know he’d been worrying about. “Ok, good.”

“I know we’re all probably dying to sit down and have a conversation about this,” Sara says, “but I don’t think tonight’s a great time for it. For one thing, this day has already felt like it’s been stretching on for forever, and I really want to spend the evening drinking wine and watching a dumb TV show with you.”

That does sound nice. “Sounds good,” Shane says agreeably. He likes the idea of curling up with her on the couch and just doing nothing for a while.

“Tomorrow night, some of the art girls invited me to get drinks with them,” Sara says. “Not for a video or anything, just for fun. So, I was thinking we could invite him over and do dinner, and we can all lay out our own personal boundaries about this thing, just so we're all on the same page. Then I can go do that girl's night, and you and Ryan can have some time to do...honestly, whatever the hell you want.” She smiles at him. “I mean, I sure will be.”

Shane can feel the soft, fond smile on his own face. He leans forward over the tiny table and kisses her hard, because some feelings are just too strong to express with words. 

She laughs and feeds him a bite of her beef and broccoli. “Come on. I know it’s Friday, but we should probably try to get some work done before we go home.”

“Brilliant,” he says. “My girlfriend’s a genius.”

She winks at him. “Don’t you forget it.”

Curly is having a hell of a day.

Really it had started yesterday, when he'd been minding his own business, making a quick snack run to the kitchen for sustenance while editing his last video.

He hadn't really laid eyes on anyone since the last time security had walked past his desk doing her rounds. Coming to the entrance of the kitchen and seeing Shane and Ryan wrapped up together like a human pretzel had been _un poco sorprendente_.

It was honestly _precioso_ and exactly what he'd been waiting for between the two. The chemistry between them is wild, and to see them finally together is pretty gratifying. _I knew it!_

Then he’d thought of Sara, and his heart had frozen. If Shane was all curled up with Ryan...F U C K. He took a second to really analyze.

There was nothing explicit happening, at least as far as he could see. They were all up in each other's space in a way that he doesn’t typically associate with straight men, but they weren't, like, making out or groping each other or anything. Maybe it was something innocent?

Honestly, Shane doesn’t seem like the kind of man who cheats. He is like, a really _good _person. So is Ryan. And he knows that Ryan and Sara are also good friends, and Ryan also really isn't a cheater; man is a committer if there ever was one. So he’d found himself praying for something, anything, that was a better explanation.

Still, just in case he took a picture. He's been the one to break the news before, and evidence is much better than a terrible "he said, she said" type situation. Then he'd cleared his throat, and Ryan practically sprang off Shane and turned his back to him in order to assess Curly, who had never felt more intrusive.

Ryan had been clearly _guarding _Shane, which was weird. Curly had been half-waiting for Ryan to throw his arms up as though Shane were a basketball hoop. There was a certain fierce fire in Ryan's eyes that Curly was afraid to mess with, like a Mama Bear protecting her cub.

He'd tried to feel the situation out, but it had been so hard to read. Ryan was being overprotective and neurotic, while Shane seemed as chill as Curly had ever seen him (and Shane tended to be chill anyway). In the end, he'd decided that he'd sniff Sara out and try to get the scoop that way.

He'd seen Shane this morning before Sara. Shane had greeted him exactly how he always did, which gave Curly exactly nothing to work with. He'd immediately gone on the hunt for Sara, determined to get the scoop before his meeting.

The woman has a good poker face, he'll give her that. When he'd started hinting at her, wondering if he was going to have to be the bearer of bad news, she'd been completely oblivious. (In retrospect, he should have realized that she was fucking with him, because Sara was NOT the oblivious sort, but he'd been a little busy wondering if he was going to make her cry). 

That laugh had been the most relieving thing he'd ever heard, but he hadn't been _really_ certain until he showed her the picture. Her face had lit up in a way he knows can’t be faked, and the rock in his belly had finally dissolved. 

She, unfortunately, hadn’t seemed inclined to share details, but if she is happy, Curly can easily be happy with her.

He'd had a quick meeting for _Pero_ Like, and then went to the sound booth to do a little looping for the next video he is working on. That was when he'd caught Shane leaving the sound booth and looking _muy felíz_, which he didn't think anything of until he realized that Ryan was still in there. 

He'd been equally disappointed and glad that he hadn't gotten there just a minute or two earlier. Like, he doesn’t really want to invade their privacy, but also, he is dying to know what they are getting up to.

That had led to yet _another _awkward conversation about the down-low and cheating with an absolutely appalled Ryan and honestly, Curly had better get nominated for sainthood. Ryan had practically showered him with outraged spit.

It did make him feel better though. 

His emotions had spent the day bouncing him around like a pinball in a pinball machine, and frankly, all he wants to do now is go home and take a nice, hot bath.

This is too damn much for a Friday.

* * *

> ** _Sara Rubin: Okay boys, here's the plan. Tomorrow, 6:30pm, Rubin-Madej residence. We'll eat supper and talk this out. Capiche?_ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: You know I'm in_ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: Got it. Should I bring anything? _ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: Just your smiling face._ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: lol easy enough. Could bring some dessert at least though?_ **
> 
> ** _Sara Rubin: Ok, we’ll see you then._ **
> 
> ** _Shane Madej: Can you even bake?_ **
> 
> ** _Ryan Bergara: (middle finger emoji)_ **
> 
> * * *

Filming the Postmortem is fine, if slightly manic. It is a little weird to be on the _Unsolved_ set and sit on his chair knowing that he'd spanked Shane right down the hall last night. Shane admirably keeps the squirming to a minimum, but his notoriously odd sense of humor is really being notoriously odd.

TJ has been giving them some serious _Looks _while they are filming, but in general it is going well. It is easy enough to brush off the excitement as being ready for the weekend.

“We’re all ready for the weekend, boys,” TJ replies gruffly after they start giggling again for no real reason. “Hold it together long enough that we can get this in the can, and then you can fuck off for the weekend.”

Which is a good point and gets them through the Postmortem without any real problems.

Listen, Ryan doesn’t like to upset TJ. Dude has an energy that brings out some of Ryan’s own submissive tendencies. He can respect that.

Usually on Fridays, Ryan goes out for drinks with others from Buzzfeed. But Shane and Sara bow out, saying that they are exhausted, and when Jen and Maycie invite him to come out with them and some others, he says he is too busy with an important project.

He is busy working on something important, but it isn’t exactly for work.

Instead, he goes home and fires up his laptop.

He’d started working on the BDSM primer while on his lunch break at work, being careful to disconnect from the internet as he did so. Listen, the IT folks got a little nosy sometimes. He assumes they are sworn to secrecy, like a doctor or a priest, but some of the gossip that goes around the office like wildfire...well, its sources are sketchy. 

Ryan isn’t exactly ashamed of being kinky, but he also doesn’t just share that information freely. It seems to him to be something that is ‘need to know,’ and he always figures if he isn’t doing a scene with someone, they probably don’t need to know.

However, he is doing this thing with Shane, and of course, Sara has to be involved too even though she isn’t actually going to be _involved_. But neither of them have ever participated in something like this before, which means that he has to give them some information and resources. And sometimes, the best way to find the resources you need is to make them yourself.

So Ryan sits down and writes. He puts some basic definitions of exactly what falls under the BDSM umbrella. He adds some roles, making sure he gets in the most basic ones, and also including Big/little because of his suspicions about Shane, and by extension, himself. At the very end of the list, he includes vanilla. (He isn’t sure, but he thinks Sara especially might like to know that one. Then again, the woman had purple hair. In Ryan’s experience, girls with brightly colored hair tend to like kinky stuff. So maybe he is wrong about that.) Next is some more vocabulary. He knows that they likely know at least some of this stuff, but it is better to lay it out there than assume. That is how you run into trouble. He explains safewords and scenes, hard and soft limits, subspace, subdrop, and aftercare, that the sub is always the one in control of the scene, and what, exactly, ‘Safe, Sane, and Consensual” actually means. And because this is specifically for Shane and Sara, he makes sure to explain that BDSM can be platonic, and some of the reasons that people might be into it. He told Shane some of this on Thursday, but between the resulting subspace and the fact that Sara might not be privy to that information yet, it seems important to include.

_It is_, Ryan realizes,_ hard as fuck to try to distill a whole lifestyle into a short report._

At the end of the final page, he writes a reassurance.

> This is for your knowledge and understanding, but please know that nothing described here is something that we have to do. The best thing about BDSM is that you get to do what you and your scene partner want to do, whatever that is. It’s about actually discussing things before doing them and building trust between people. So, if you have any questions about any of these things, know that I’ll be more than happy to discuss them with you when we get together to talk things out this Saturday, and we can and will continue to discuss them as long as we’re doing this thing together. Please don’t worry.

(That last sentence is for Ryan himself as well).

He does a quick read-through. His anxiety is certain that he’s forgotten something important somewhere, but for the life of him, he can’t figure out what it is. It probably doesn’t matter anyway, since they are going to talk out all of this shit in person late tomorrow afternoon. 

And also, if he reads it again, he is going to double-guess himself to death and never send it out. With a sigh, he saves it, and sends a copy of the file to the group chat with Shane and Sara.

* * *

** _Ryan Bergara: Hey guys. I wrote a quick primer? Guide? Idk, it’s about BDSM and just covers some basic stuff you should probably know before we talk._ **

** _Shane Madej: Wow dude. Did you just have this sitting on your computer ready to go? Are you writing a book? There are a lot fo words here._ **

** _Shane Madej: *of_ **

** _Ryan Bergara: Nah. I skipped drinks to write this up for you, so you better be grateful._ **

** _Sara Rubin: Thanks Ryan. We’ll definitely take a look at this tonight._ **

** _Shane Madej: I just wasn’t expecting homework on a Friday._ **

** _Sara Rubin: It’s good for you._ **

** _Shane Madej: I’ll read it._ **

** _Shane Madej: (Sara poked my bruise and it hurt!)_ **

** _Ryan Bergara: Good. Serves you right._ **

** _Ryan Bergara: See you guys tomorrow._ **

* * *

Shane is nervous. He is so fucking nervous. And it is stupid, because Shane so rarely gets nervous...but he is nervous now.

He and Sara had ended up reading Ryan’s little ‘how-to’ guide out loud together while curled up on the couch. Before reading, they promised each other not to laugh (unless things were really funny) and not to make judgments out loud. 

There had been small amounts of laughing but they manage to make it through Ryan’s little BDSM manifesto or whatever. The last little bit had been read by Sara, who managed to finish it before getting a little bit choked up.

“You’ve got a pretty great thing happening here,” she told him seriously, as though he didn’t already know. “Like, I just don’t know if you understand how lucky you are that you found Ryan. You found a person who just so happens to be your best friend, who already loves you, who doesn’t want to fuck you,” (and that part made Shane laugh out loud,) “and who knows what the fuck he’s doing. That’s the luckiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. And I once met a guy who'd won the Mega Millions.”

"I'm also lucky enough to have a girlfriend who isn't intimidated by all this and is actually encouraging," Shane had said. "I think that should be acknowledged too."

"That too," Sara said. "Damn, how did I forget how awesome I am?" She’d laughed.

But Shane does recognize that he is lucky as hell. 

He is still fucking nervous though, and no amount of calming thoughts or reminders of what Sara had said are helping him calm down.

Stupid. Ryan had already turned him over his knee. What the hell can be more nerve-wracking than the experience he’d had on Thursday night?

Well, according to his adrenal glands, which are pumping out adrenaline like nobody’s business...this can be.

Sara is directing the kitchen, because Shane is a hopeless mess. She’d gotten him to make a chopped salad earlier that had turned out _extremely _chopped, and her lasagna is nearly done, the crust bubbly, golden-brown, and covered in delicious, gooey cheese. She carefully dons oven mitts and pulls it from the oven to rest for a bit before cutting. The garlic bread, Shane notes, needs a few more minutes.

The doorbell rings, and for a second, Shane freezes. “Babe, go let him in,” Sara prods gently, and Shane trots towards the door on autopilot. He opens the door. 

Ryan stands there, holding an apple pie in a plastic-covered disposable pie pan and looking slightly awkward. “Hey, man,” he greets him quietly.

Shane steps back to let him in and takes the pie. “I got it from Whole Foods,” Ryan says. “Thought about making my own, but I was afraid I’d poison us all.”

That seems like an accurate assessment of Ryan’s cooking skills, so Shane nods. “Nothing wrong with store bought,” he says. And then he steps forward into Ryan’s space and puts his free arm around Ryan’s neck in a one-armed hug.

“Hey, big guy,” Ryan says, a smile on his voice. He hugs him back. “I didn’t realize you liked pie so much.”

“You dope,” Shane laughs. He releases his friend and says, “Come on, Sara’s in the kitchen.”

Shane hands the pie off to Sara and cuts the lasagna, suddenly feeling steadier. It is just Ryan. They are friends. It is going to be okay. It had already been okay.

Ryan greets her with a hug that she eagerly reciprocates. “We’re so glad you came,” Sara says, usually good with words and well-trained by her Jewish mother to be a good hostess (whether she likes it or not.) “Can I offer you a drink? Lemonade, soda, wine?”

“Probably should be sober for this,” Ryan says. “I’ll take a soda if you have one.”

They serve themselves from the stove top and sit down at their table to eat. There isn’t much conversation at first, because they are all eating and thinking so hard that Shane _almost _thinks he can hear their thoughts. It isn’t too awkward though. It is just quiet.

It is, as seems usual lately, Ryan who breaks the silence. “So... did you guys actually read my little, uh, primer thing?” He scans both Sara and Shane.

Shane nods, but it is Sara who speaks. “Yeah, we read it aloud,” she says. 

“Oh shit, really?” Ryan says. “I, uh...I didn’t really edit it very much.”

Shane laughs. “It was for the research, not for a book reading. It was fine.”

Ryan shrugs. “I mean, as long as it did the job. Do you have any questions?” His eyes dart between Sara and Shane, and then he deliberately looks down and takes a huge bite of lasagna.

Shane personally doesn’t know where to even start with his questions. Thankfully, Sara does.

“So, how did it go on Thursday?”

Ryan smiles. “Honestly, it was amazing,” he says. “Shane, did you talk to her about it?”

“Of course I did,” Shane says. He glances at Sara. “I mean, I didn’t give her, like, a step-by-step analysis or anything, but we definitely have been talking about this.”

“I couldn’t help but be curious,” Sara says. “Can’t say this is a relationship situation I’ve ever dealt with before.”

Ryan looks at her. “Are you having second thoughts?” he asks. He looks to Shane too. “Either of you? This is one of those things that has to be, you know, okay for all parties. Otherwise I’m really not okay with it.”

Shane feels his chest tighten, and yep, that is the anxiety coming back. But Sara just leans forward and touches Ryan’s hand.

“No, no second thoughts,” Sara says. “I know this is a little weird, as far as, like, relationship structures work--”

“Relationship structures? You sound like Curly trying to figure out if we were having a threesome or just cheating on Thursday,” Shane says. Ryan shakes his head ruefully. 

“Then I didn’t read Curly wrong on Thursday night. God, no wonder the man cornered me and fed me traumatizing information in the recording booth,” he says.

“Huh?” Shane says. “Did he really?”

“It’s still a relationship structure, even though you're not fucking,” Sara continues determinedly. “And I’m comfortable with it.” She smiles, and Shane feels his chest relax. “We’re all pretty good at communicating, and you know we love you Ryan."

“I love you guys too,” Ryan says sincerely. “You’re great friends.”

Shane can’t help the little smile that plays at the corners of his mouth. He’s never heard Ryan be so open. There is no sarcasm to be heard. It is endearing.

“I think we can handle this thing, whatever it is,” Sara says. “It’s about trust, right? That’s one thing we definitely have.”

“Ditto,” Shane says, because Sara is much better with words and she’s hit the nail on the head. 

Sara grins. “Plus, not to be a sadist or anything, but uh...holy shit, Ryan, the bruise you left on his ass!”

They all start laughing at that, which breaks the intensity. 

“It was a pretty nice one, huh?” Ryan says, sounding satisfied. Sara raises her eyebrows.

“When did you see it?” she asks curiously. Oh, right. Shane hadn’t told her about that. 

Shane shrugs. “I sent him a picture,” he says. Her eyes widen. She looks at Ryan.

“My boyfriend’s sending you nudes?” she says, her voice mock-scandalized. “Are they good ones?” 

“They’re tasteful,” Ryan jokes.

“Let me see,” Sara says, looking at Shane. He pulls his phone from his pocket and finds the password-protected photo before passing the phone to Sara. Her free hand goes up to her mouth.

“God, you guys are so fucking weird,” she says, her voice rich with humor. “I love it.”

Shane uses the last bite of his garlic bread to mop sauce from the plate. “Maybe we could take this to the living room?” he suggests. “The couch is a lot softer.”

Ryan and Sara both laugh.

* * *

The anxiety in his stomach is simmering down, perhaps drowned in salad, lasagna, and garlic bread. He curls up on the chair, while Shane and Sara are on the couch together.

“A lot of this is going to just be between you and Shane,” Sara says, “and I’m totally okay with that. But I do want to make it clear what I’m comfortable with between the two of you.”

Shane wraps his arm around Sara’s shoulder, and Ryan nods. “Please,” he says. 

“I know it’s not about sex,” she says. “Right? That’s still true?”

Ryan pleads with his body not to blush as he nods. Even the idea of sex with Shane is beyond mortifying. Shane laughs.

“Definitely not a thing, babe,” he says. _God, nothing embarrasses him, the asshole._

“Okay, good. Because I’m willing to share a lot of you with Ryan--hell, I’ve been sharing a lot of you with Ryan even before all this spanking stuff came up--but I really don’t want to share you, you know, that way.” She cuddles closer to Shane. They are pretty fucking cute.

Ryan nods. “Not a problem. That’s not something we’re interested in here.” 

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about, like, sexy stuff,” Shane says. “That’s your and my domain, not me and Ryan’s.”

Sara shakes her head with a little laugh. “Your grammar is atrocious, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Anything else that you’re really concerned about?” Ryan asks. “Boundaries or whatever?”

Sara shrugs, shaking her head. “Not really. Honestly, I trust you both. You’re adults, you can do your thing. Shane’s a big boy; he can tell you what he wants and doesn’t.” 

She pulls away from Shane so she can look him in the eye. “Whatever you want to tell me, I’m willing to hear, but you don’t have to tell me anything. It’s between you guys more than anything.”

“Yeah, I know,” Shane says. He smiles. “I’m sure you’re gonna hear plenty, though.”

Sara leans back against Shane’s side. “I mean, if the bruises continue, I'm probably going to be curious."

Ryan laughs. "I didn't think he'd bruise like a peach, or I wouldn't have gone quite so hard. Not for the first time."

"I don't mind it," Shane says with a little smile. Sara rolls her eyes.

"He's super impressed with his bruise," she confides in Ryan, who laughs. Shane shrugs in confirmation. 

Sara's face gets a little more serious. "What about you, Ryan? Do you have any things about what you’re doing that you want to keep between you and Shane?”

Ryan shrugs. “I mean, that’s up to Shane,” he says. “I’m not ashamed of what we’re doing. If he wants to tell you all about it, that’s fine with me.”

Shane says, “Well, we can play it by ear.”

That seems about right to Ryan. 

Suddenly, Sara stands up. "The pie!" 

Ryan sniffs, and sure enough, he smells apples and cinnamon. "How did you do that?" he asks. "It was cold!"

Sara giggles even as she sprints towards the kitchen. “You can totally throw them in the oven to warm them up, you know!” she calls back.

Ryan leans back in the chair and looks at Shane. “I didn’t know that actually,” he says. Shane doesn’t really react, although he hears Sara snort from behind the counter. “You doing okay bud?” Ryan asks.

Shane looks up and smiles at him. “I’m doing great,” he says. “This is...this is more than I ever dreamed of when I brought this up, to be honest. Even when I talked to Sara about it, before you, I just kind of assumed that I’d ask, you’d freak the fuck out, and it would be awkward for a while until I got over the idea.”

“I mean, I freaked out a little,” Ryan says honestly. And he had. He’d really misinterpreted what Shane was asking for at first and hadn’t known what to do with the idea that his best friend wanted him to fuck him. There is definitely a line, no matter your sexual orientation, of friends that you might want to have sex with given the right circumstances, and friends you absolutely do not want to have sex with, and Shane is firmly in that second category. “Thankfully, you set me straight pretty fast.” 

“Straight,” Sara giggles from the kitchen. “You thought Shane was trying to hit on you, didn’t you?” 

“Very funny, Sara,” Shane says with a roll of his eyes. Ryan laughs though; it’s funny _now_.

“That _was _my first thought, yeah,” he admits. “I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. My whole life flashed before my eyes just a little.”

Shane laughs too. “He really did turn bright red,” he says over Ryan’s head towards Sara. “I realized I needed to explain myself and fast before you ran for it.”

Ryan is glad he hadn’t bolted before he’d let Shane explain. He looks at Shane fondly. “I mean, all’s well that ends well,” he says. “You’ve been pretty quiet tonight, though. Don’t you have any questions or anything?”

“I don’t really know what to say,” Shane replies. “I read your manifesto--”

“That’s a bit of a strong word choice,” Ryan protests.

“--and I am just trying to wrap my mind around all of that stuff,” he continues as though Ryan hadn’t spoken at all. “It’s...it’s a lot, you know? I mean, you’ve had, like, what? A couple years of learning about this stuff? We’ve never even talked about it.”

“To be honest, it seemed like oversharing,” Ryan says. “I never really thought that you and I would be, you know, doing anything remotely like this together.” He hesitates for a moment before saying, “And it’s been, like…six or seven years since I started really getting involved in the kink scene. So, you know, a while.”

“Damn,” Sara says. She has three small dessert plates balanced on her arms, and she passes one to Ryan and the other to Shane on her way back to her space on the couch.

“Thanks,” they echo, mostly in tandem.

“It’s really cute when you boys do that,” Sara says. She takes a bite of her pie, eyes closing. “God, this is a good pie.”

“Well, I guess I don’t have to feel so bad about being...I dunno, wide-eyed and Midwestern about all of this kinky stuff,” Shane says. “Considering you’ve been at it for a while.”

“I mean, I’m not Midwestern, and I also feel a little wide-eyed,” Sara says. “Everything I really knew about it came from _SVU_.”

Ryan laughs. “Just so you know,_ Law and Order_ is a terrible place to get your information about kink stuff,” he says. “They make us all look like degenerate perverts or abusive assholes. Really, Hollywood does a piss-poor job of depicting BDSM in any kind of reasonable way.””

“To be honest, I never really thought about it,” Sara says. 

Shane sits up very straight and points a forkful of pie at Ryan, wincing slightly at the movement. “That’s why you were so unreasonably annoyed by the_ Fifty Shades of Grey_ movies!” he says. “It wasn’t _just _the terrible filmmaking and the fact that, like, half the office lost their collective minds over it.” He looks very certain and is very right.

Ryan winces at the reminder. “Guilty,” he says. “But come on. It was fucking terrible. The BDSM etiquette alone was enough to make you sick. Dude’s just abusing the shit out of this poor girl and calling it kink.” He takes an emphatic bite of pie to cut himself off from an overly-long rant that he is pretty sure no one cares about except him.

Sara cautiously raises her hand. “BDSM etiquette?” she asks.

Ryan sighs and swallows, trying to think of how to explain it. “Short and sweet, it’s basically the rules of engagement. There are expectations about how a person goes about doing kink things...and Christian Grey just blows through all of them like a bull in a china shop.” He studies Sara and Shane for a moment. “Like, conversations like this one are a part of setting up, you know, informed consent or whatever.”

“Shane did say you guys talked a lot before anything happened,” Sara muses. 

“Yeah, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Because I had to realize what he was asking for, and what you wanted from me,” he says, looking to Shane, “and decide if I was willing to do that, and make sure you knew what you were getting into.”

“I mean, I was grateful, especially for that last part,” Shane says. “Because, and this may have been obvious, but I had no fucking clue. I kind of thought that a spanking was just a spanking.”

“I mean, me too,” Sara says. 

“Well, yeah, but also, not exactly,” Ryan says.

“I kind of get that now,” Shane says quietly, looking at his half-eaten slice of pie. “It was, it was a lot more intense than I was thinking.”

“It’s those emotions, baby,” Ryan drawls. “They’ll get you every time.”

“Is that why he came home looking stoned AF?” Sara asks. 

“That’s the subspace, yeah,” Ryan says. “He fell into it about as hard as I’ve ever seen.”

Shane gets a tiny echo of yesterday’s goofy grin on his face, and Ryan notices Sara noticing it. “He liked that,” she says with a small giggle. “Look, even now he’s thinking about it.”

Ryan can feel his own dumb smile, and he sees Sara’s eyes go soft. “Ew, you boys are so gross,” she says, possibly in the most encouraging way that phrase has ever been said. “You know how like, half the office is pretty sure you’re fucking? It’s gonna be the whole office soon enough. Curly’s damn head is going to explode.”

Shane snorts, but that is probably as good a segue as Ryan is going to get, so he takes it. “Speaking of office gossip...how, uh…’out,’ for lack of a better term, are you guys wanting to be about this whole thing?”

“I mean, it’s not like we’re dating, Ryan,” Shane says. “I don’t think there’s anything to be ‘out’ about.” He shrugs. “We’re good friends, and I guess now, sometimes, you’re going to beat my ass.”

Ryan thinks back over Thursday night, about the way Shane just kind of melted into subspace, into what looks like littlespace, at least to him. “I dunno, big guy,” he says. “You might be surprised where this thing goes. No, we’re not dating, obviously, but like...it’ll probably change some things, at least some of the time.”

But Sara looks a little more contemplative. “We’ve worked together for years now,” she says, “and you boys have been good friends for a long time. And we actually never knew this about you.” She pauses for a moment as if considering, and Ryan uses that time to scoop the last bite of pie into his mouth. “Are you wanting to keep this thing kind of quiet? I may have made a slight blunder in that case with Curly. I didn’t tell him what was up, but he definitely knows something’s happening.”

“Well, yeah, I mean, he watched us long enough to get that picture,” Ryan says. “What’s done is done. I’m just hoping he doesn’t spread it all around the office.” Ryan likes Curly, but the man seems to know everything, and he likes a good piece of gossip. “I guess I’d like to keep it relatively private?”

“He said he wouldn’t say a word if I wanted to talk about it,” Sara says. “I guess if you guys keep it kind of quiet and act like you normally do, hopefully we won’t be the next big-ticket gossip item around Buzzfeed.”

“We’re never normal,” Shane protests, and Ryan nods in agreement.

“Honestly, that will probably help keep things normal, ironically enough. People already think we’re a little weird, so if anything odd slips out, well, they might just think we’re doing another stupid bit.”

Shane wobbles his head in tentative agreement. “I suppose,” he says. “I’m really not that worried about it, though.” He stands carefully, gathers their empty plates, and carries them into the kitchen. “Anyone want tea or water or anything?” he asks.

“I’m good, babe,” Sara says. She glances at her phone. “I should probably start getting ready to go out with the girls anyway, since it’ll take me a minute to get ready.” She stands up and stretches slightly, then heads towards the master bedroom. Ryan can hear her footsteps disappear down the hallway.

“You want something to drink, Ry?” Shane asks.

“Sure, I’ll take a tea,” Ryan says. “Surprise me on the flavor.” He stands and walks over to the kitchen to get it.

In the quiet, Ryan can hear Sara’s music start up in the bedroom, some kind of upbeat, indie-rock thing. Shane is humming along under his breath. He fills two mugs with hot water and tea bags and hands one off to Ryan. “Sugar?” he asks, shaking a small packet in Ryan’s direction.

“Thanks,” Ryan says, taking it and grabbing a spoon from their drawer to give it a good stir. Shane takes the spoon from him and puts it in the dishwasher.

They go back into the living room, and Shane resumes his former place on the couch. After a moment of thought, Ryan sits next to him.

“It this a bit?” Shane asks, looking over at him. Ryan shakes his head.

“Nah,” he says. “This is me trying to provide, uh, emotional support through physical proximity.”

“That’s a lot of words to say ‘yes,’ you know,” Shane says. Ryan nudges him with his shoulder.

“I’m serious,” he says. "We've still got a few things to talk about."

Shane sighs. "Holy shit, I've never done so much talking in my life," he mumbles. 

Ryan shrugs. "It's part of the deal," he replies. "It's kind of like Lego. You have to look at the set up as part of the fun."

"You should have brought _actual _Lego," Shane says. "At least it would be something to do while we endlessly talk."

That makes Ryan laugh, because God, you don’t have to be a little to love Lego, but it isn't exactly a point towards not being little either. 

"We're getting to the end of this," Ryan reassures him. "Just one more thing for now, and then we can just chill out for a while, okay?"

"Fine," Shane grumbles, sipping from his mug. "I see why you wanted the tea though. You're talking yourself into a sore throat."

* * *

On Thursday, Ryan had freaked out, but now, it’s Shane's turn.

It starts after Sara leaves.

Sara had finally emerged from their bedroom, looking hot as fuck in that way women always do when they go out with a group of friends. Her purple curls had been pulled back from her face, she had done something different with her makeup that made her eyes look huge, and she was wearing a pair of heels that Shane knows for a fact she was going to be complaining about when she got home. They do, he has to admit, look great with that dress she likes so much, the one with the high neckline that showed off a good amount of leg.

"Damn, you look hot," he’d told her. She’d grinned at him. Next to him, Ryan had nodded in acknowledgement.

"You look really nice, Sara," he’d said. 

"You boys have fun," she’d said, glancing at her phone, probably checking to see if her Uber was here yet. She walked up to the couch and casually leaned over to give a whisper of a kiss to Ryan's cheek. She’d then moved over and kissed Shane on the mouth. 

He hadn’t tasted lipstick, at least, which was nice. Not his favorite flavor. She’d smiled down at them, the heels making her closer to 5'6, which he knows she likes.

"If you need me, I've got my phone, but it looks like you're doing okay," she’d said. "Anything interesting you want to share with the class, feel free. I'll keep an eye on the group chat."

"Don't worry about us, babe," Shane had reassured her. "It's just some ghoulboys hangout time, just with a new rant topic."

"Hey," Ryan had protested. Shane had ignored him.

He’d looked at her tiny purse. "I don't suppose you bought flats of some sort for later?"

"I like to live dangerously," she’d said.

"You sure fucking do, in those things. Don't break an ankle, okay?" 

"I'll do my best. Oh shit, the Uber is here. Bye guys!" And then she’d been out the door like a flash, alternating between tiny fashion model and baby horse with each step.

The door had slammed shut behind her, and Shane had dutifully gotten up to lock it afterwards before settling down next to Ryan to finish this conversation. 

The freak-out starts relatively slow when he and Ryan start discussing other kink things. Ryan asks him if he has any hard limits about this besides the ones that have already come up. Shane had answered with a shrug. “I don’t even really know exactly what that would be, considering,” he says vaguely. 

Ryan goes into a somewhat mind-boggling list of different things that might be a hard limit, like certain implements (“A goddamn cane? Like they beat people with in Singapore? That’s going to be a big ol’ no from me!”), states of undress (“Uh...I’m mildly uncomfortable with that but like, I guess maybe, as long as we talk about it first?”) and nicknames (“Just don’t call me babe. Sara calls me that and it would be too fucking weird.”) 

Ryan throws his head back and laughs at that one. “I promise you, I will not call you babe. I agree, not appropriate.”

The talk about roles is the part that really throws him for a loop though. 

“I mean, does there have to be roles?” Shane asks. “You’re spanking me. That makes you, like, the spanker, and me the spanked.”

Ryan lets out one of his characteristic wheezes. “I mean, yes, that’s true, and those are perfectly good roles, but also, there’s more to it than that. Like, it’s pretty clear that, at least in this instance, you’re being the submissive, right?”

Shane sits back at that. Ryan is right, of course; he fit the definition with what he and Ryan are doing, but it is weird to think of himself as a submissive. He isn’t so concerned with the idea of doing what he is told, which is exactly what submission is, but something about the word ‘submissive’ bothers him. 

“I don’t know if I like that word,” Shane says.

“No? Why not?” Ryan asks. He is relaxed, facing Shane with one leg curled sideways on the couch. Their knees are touching slightly.

Shane thinks about it some more. Then he sighs.

“Goddamn _50 Shades of Grey_,” he admits. Ryan’s eyes widen, but he gives an encouraging hand gesture to elaborate. “It’s too...it’s too sexual. It’s like, a weird word to use, especially between us. I dunno.” Shane looks down at his hands, wishing that he knew how to explain better.

Ryan nods understandingly. “I hear you. Does it make you feel any better to know that being a submissive isn’t inherently sexual? Because it really isn’t. When I first got involved in the kink scene, I went to a lot of play events, where people could just do kink things in clubs. And some of it was clearly sexual, but I also talked to some people who were purely platonic about their play, and those people were still Doms and subs. I mean, some of them went by different labels, but at the core, that’s what they are.”

“Nice alliteration,” Shane says. He wonders if that does make him feel better. He isn’t sure. “I just...am I your ‘sub’ then? Is that what this is?”

Ryan squares his shoulders off. “I uh...when I left you with Sara that night, I definitely felt weird about leaving, quote, ‘my sub,’ unquote while you were still floating in subspace.”

“Did you really just use the _Unsolved _voice on me?” Shane asks._ Ryan’s sub. _God, is he actually okay with that? 

Part of him, the part that had spent all of Thursday night and half of Friday floating in a haze of happy excitement, says that he doesn’t care one bit. If Ryan wants him to be his sub, he is so down.

The other part says,_ Uhhhhh...what the fuck?_

Shane usually tries not to listen to that voice, the one that sounds like his middle-school bullies. They never have anything helpful to say anyway.

Ryan laughs. “I guess,” he says. He nudges Shane’s knee lightly. “But if you hate the verbiage, we don’t have to use it. This is our party, bud. We get to do whatever we want.”

“You said they used other labels,” Shane says. “Maybe one of those would be better?”

Ryan’s voice is very delicate when he says, “You know, I learned a lot from the scene we did on Thursday. I’ve been doing this for a while, and I’ve seen a lot of stuff.” He looks Shane in the eye. “I didn’t give you, like, a kink checklist to reference or anything, because a lot of that stuff is pretty sexual in nature and that was just too weird to hand off to you and Sara. But I can’t say I’m unfamiliar with most of it, even if just in passing.” He gives a rueful grin. “You have to know what you’re avoiding too, so you don’t get in over your head.”

Shane shakes his head slightly. “I don’t get where you’re going with this,” he says. 

“What I’m saying is that, after a while, you start to notice patterns in people. The ways that Doms act versus subs, for example, or what separates a sub from a slave, or a Daddy from a little. You start to notice patterns in the things that people want or like.”

“Were those patterns on the cheat sheet?” Shane asks, joking a little to cover up the squirmy feeling in his stomach.

Ryan looks at him like he is staring into his soul, like he knows exactly what Shane is doing. Shane curls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, feeling weirdly shy and wishing he could just hide. “Shane…” Ryan says mildly.

“Sorry,” he says, ducking his head against his knees. He startles when Ryan’s hand pats his shin.

“Listen, buddy, what I’m trying to say is that I have a feeling about what label might really fit you, but I’m not sure how you’re going to feel about it. Instead of worrying about it, I’m going to tell you, and then we can talk it out, okay?” Ryan’s voice is unbearably gentle, and Shane feels like his insides are crumbling, but he has no idea why. He gives a small nod, still not looking up.

Ryan takes a deep breath. “I think that you might have some little tendencies, and if you’d like to explore that, I am more than happy to do so with you,” he says. He pauses, as though he’s waiting for Shane to reply, but Shane is frozen.

_Little? **Little? **_He hadn’t thought much about it when reading through the dossier, he'd been fine with it in theory, but he sure as hell is thinking about it now. And he does not feel fine.

That mean, middle-school bully voice in his brain is going berserk. _What the fuck! What does that mean, he thinks you have _little _tendencies? Pathetic. Freak. Jesus, what is wrong with you? You can’t take care of yourself? **Ryan **thinks you can’t take care of yourself? _

“Ryan, what the fuck?” he says. “Are you serious?” He actually looks up at Ryan, who is watching him like a hawk. “I read your guidebook, and I’m not--I don’t--that’s just--” His brain is spinning. He jumps up from the couch and started to pace. “I don’t need a fucking parent, dude. I’ve got those! Good ones! And I’m not a child!”

“Hey, Shane, you’ve got to breathe,” Ryan cuts in. Shane can see the concern on his face. “Let’s talk about it, okay?” 

Shane gives a fast, nearly frantic nod. “Talk about it. Yeah, good. Okay. Explain why you’d say that,” he demands. His voice is shaking. Is he panicking? This feels a lot like panic.

Ryan takes a deep breath. “Ok. Keep breathing, and hear me out,” he says. Shane keeps walking back and forth, but he does start to try to breathe more deeply even as he paces. Passing out won’t exactly prove his point.

“For one thing, let me tell you what little doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean you’re a child, okay? You’re very obviously an adult, Shane, and that’s good, because what you and I are doing is not something that I would do to a child. Consenting adults only, you hear me?” 

Shane flaps a hand at him irritably. “I know that, and I know I’m not a fucking child, you idiot. But you’re the one saying that I’ve got “little tendencies,” which is basically just kink-speak for acting like a child, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s more than that” Ryan says. “Listen, I saw how you reacted to what we did on Thursday. As I pointed out, I’ve done this before. In a lot of different circumstances. And I’ve seen even more than I’ve done. And when you went under, into subspace, you shifted. Your whole manner changed, ok, and it was fucking beautiful!”

That brings Shane up so short he almost trips over his own feet. He stares at Ryan. “What?” Beautiful is definitely not the word he thinks of when Ryan says “little.” His heart is pounding wildly in his chest.

Ryan scoots forward on the couch, his hands gripped together between his knees, painfully sincere. “When you went under, it was _beautiful_,” he repeats, his eyes intense on Shane’s. “You were so good for me, so trusting and, uh, compliant. Watching how you reacted to the spanking was adorable, and yes, I know that’s a fucking weird thing to say about it, but sue me, it was. And then when you tapped out and bailed on me, I practically had to pull you onto my lap so you didn’t crack your head open, and you cuddled up to me like a giant octopus and just wouldn’t let go. So help me, it was probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen from a sub in my entire life. You were beautiful and good and perfect, and I just wanted to scoop your gangly ass up like a teddy bear and take care of you, okay? And I’ve never--_NEVER_\--been into ageplay or Big/little dynamics or anything like that before, so it took me by surprise too. Because I'd never thought this would be a thing I'd want to try, and yet here I am, hoping you'll let me try with you.”

Shane gapes at him. Of all the things he’d thought Ryan might say, those words...really weren’t one of them. “Beautiful?” he manages. “Good?” And god, he doesn’t really like how much he likes the idea of doing well, of being good, of making Ryan...proud? 

_Oh, fuck._ He kind of sees it now. Maybe that is what Ryan means by "little tendencies." But god, it feels uncomfortable and scary and he doesn’t really know how to deal with it, so he wraps his arms around his chest and looks down at the floor.

In his periphery, Ryan stands slowly, hands held up to show he means no harm. “Can I hug you, or are you going to punch me?”

Shane swallows hard around the lump in his throat. “I’m not going to punch you,” he says after a pause that is probably too long. But Ryan takes him at his word, and walks up to him, wrapping his arms around him. 

Shane feels stiff and unwieldy, like a board, but Ryan doesn’t seem to mind. 

“I don’t need you to take care of me,” he says quietly to the top of Ryan’s head. 

“I know,” Ryan says. “But you know, it’s okay to want someone to take care of you sometimes. And I’d really like to do that.”

Ryan would really like to do that? _But... But..._

“It’s...it’s just so weird,” he protests, but he shimmies his arms out of Ryan’s grip so he can actually hug him back. Ryan rubs his hand across Shane's back soothingly.

“I hate to break it to you, but it’s not really that weird on the scale of things,” Ryan says. “But even if it was, who gives a fuck? It’s about what we want to do, not what someone else thinks of it.”

“Sara’s going to think, she’s going to think I’m some...I dunno, something bad,” he insists. _Freak. She's gonna hate me. She's gonna be grossed out._

“Sara already told me that she thought you were fucking adorable,” Ryan says patiently. “She’s accepting, and supportive, and I’d be very surprised if you got anything but another ‘aww’ out of her. And also, you don’t have to tell her unless and until you want to. You can just try it out and see if it works for you as well as I think it’s going to.”

_Ryan can't really be okay with this. He said he doesn't do this kind of thing, he's never been into it. _But Ryan's arms are still strong around him._..But what if he thinks..._

Shane bites his lip. “You don’t think badly about me?” he asks, and his voice wobbles precariously. _Oh, shit_, he thinks, because those are tears prickling at his eyes, and he wasn’t expecting that. 

“Oh Shane,_ no,_” Ryan says "No bud. I think you're being brave, trying this new thing and asking for what you want. There's nothing bad about this!" And it is that same kind, gentle, _sincere_ voice he’d used when he was putting Shane back together after he’d spanked him, and goddammit, that does him in. He blinks hard as the tears start, but there is no holding them back.

Ryan feels it of course; he can hardly miss it considering that Shane is shaking with the effort of trying to stay silent. “Shane, come on,” he says very reasonably. “Come sit down. We don’t have to stand in the middle of the living room.”

Shane doesn’t resist when Ryan pulls him towards the couch. Instead, he sits and buries his face in his hands. “No, none of that,” Ryan says, gently pulling his hands from his face and wrapping his arm around Shane’s shoulders to tuck him against his side. “Come on buddy. Just relax. I’m not gonna think badly of you, not for crying or anything else; we’re in this together, okay? How many times have you had to help me pull it together on location when I’ve lost it? Turnabout is fair play, don’t you think?”

It should be the fucking weirdest thing, curling up on the couch with Ryan like that, but it isn’t, which is weird in and of itself. Ryan just kind of pats his shoulder and hums under his breath while Shane wears himself out. 

He wonders how he’d been friends with Ryan for this long without realizing how good he is at this kind of thing. Then again, it isn’t like he is in the habit of regularly crying in front of Ryan, so that might be why.

It doesn’t really take him that long to stop crying once he stops fighting it so hard. He doesn’t move though, and Ryan doesn’t say anything, seeming content with letting Shane lean against him.

“I uh...I wasn’t really expecting to cry tonight,” Shane says wryly without looking at Ryan. “I mean, I figured that because of that bruise, spanking was kind of off the table for the evening, so I kinda thought we’d talk about this until you were sure that I was sure about this whole thing, and then we’d just watch a movie or something.”

He feels Ryan shrug. “We can still watch a movie,” he points out. He can hear the smile in Ryan’s voice as he adds, “I just had to make sure that you were sure about this whole thing first, I guess.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure,” he says. 

“Well, good,” Ryan says. “Scoot over and I’ll go make us some popcorn. You wanna pick out a movie?”

Shane grumbles slightly, but reaches for the remote on the coffee table, letting Ryan stand up and head for the kitchen. “Shouldn’t I be the one making the popcorn?” Shane asks. “It’s my kitchen.”

“Just let me do this for you,” Ryan says. “It’s not like I don’t know where you guys keep the popcorn.”

Shane feels an ember of warmth in his chest at that, one he doesn’t really want to recognize but can’t quite avoid._ He’s taking care of me,_ he thinks. _And apparently, I’m letting him._

It feels kind of nice, if he is being honest.

He scrolls mindlessly through Netflix and picks out a new horror release while Ryan pops popcorn in his kitchen, looking perfectly contented and at home. It doesn’t take particularly long for him to come back with a giant bowl full of fluffy, white kernels that he hands off to Shane before plopping down directly next to him.

“Thank you,” Shane says, and he means for more than just the popcorn. He grabs a handful of popcorn and crams it into his mouth so he won’t elaborate in any kind of stupid way. He feels Ryan look over at him.

“You’re welcome, big guy,” he says, and from the way he says it, Shane can tell that Ryan knows.

* * *

Sara unlocks the door as quietly as she can, guessing that Shane is probably asleep. She hadn’t gotten any texts from him or Ryan, either distressed or otherwise, so she assumes that things had probably gone fine. She is still buzzed but not so drunk that unlocking the door is particularly hard. In her free hand, she is carrying her shoes.

She makes it through the doorway before stopping, feeling a smile growing on her face.

The light of the TV shines on the couch, illuminating the edges of two familiar figures. Ryan is leaning against the back of the couch with one hand on his lap and the other clutching his phone to his chest. One foot is perched on the coffee table and the other is on the floor. His face is turned towards Shane, who is leaning with his face towards Ryan and his head against Ryan’s ridiculous bicep, both arms wrapped over his own stomach. Somehow, he’d managed to stretch out enough to use the chair as a footrest.

It is so fucking adorable that it takes everything in her buzzed brain not to squeal aloud.

Instead, she pulls out her camera and takes a picture. Okay, two pictures. 

She is debating if she should wake them or not when Ryan comes to. “Mmm...hey Sara,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. “You have fun?”

“Yeah,” she says, finally putting down those wretched shoes. “How about you?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says, obviously still groggy. He moves his arm slightly, waking Shane in the process. He grunts unhappily and tries to bury his face in Ryan’s stomach. 

“Mmm, come on buddy, Sara’s home and you’re putting my whole arm to sleep,” Ryan cajoles sleepily. With a groan, Shane sits up and rubbed at his eyes.

“Come on, babe,” Sara says. “Let Ryan have the couch to himself; it’s not really a great napping spot for two.”

“I can get out of your hair,” Ryan says, even though his eyes are barely open.

“Go to sleep, Ry,” she says gently, and with a sigh, he turns lengthwise on the couch, sliding his feet behind Shane and letting his head fall on a throw pillow. Immediately, he seems to drop off to sleep again.

Shane is obviously just as tired as Ryan, but he manages to stand and grab a knitted blanket off the back of the couch. He drops it clumsily over Ryan’s lightly snoring form. Then he turns, puts his arm around her and gives her a kiss. “You taste like mojitos,” he says as they walk down the hall towards their bedroom. “Have a good time?”

“Yeah, I did,” she says.

“Good, ‘m glad,” he says tiredly.

She goes into the bathroom and quickly wipes off most of her makeup and throws on a long sleep shirt. When she returns to the bedroom, Shane has merely kicked off his chinos and fallen into bed. She curls up beside him and he flings his arm over her waist.

“Goodnight, Shane” she whispers into the dark. “Love you.”

“Goodnight, babe, love you” he murmurs, and then his breathing evens out in a way that tells her if he isn’t asleep, he isn’t far from it.

She smiles into the darkness and closes her eyes. 

This whole thing might be kind of weird, but she sees a lot of good here. It's going to be interesting to see what happens next.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, please leave kudos and/or a review! Or if you're shy hit me up at littlebunnywrites.tumblr.com. I accidentally erased my tumblr, so I had to remake it...please come say hi!!!!


End file.
